We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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