we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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