Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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