fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
