Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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