I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
