I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
