dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
