it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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