: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
