Will you blow on my dice?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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