billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
