If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
