Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
