I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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