party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
