I want to make a zoo with you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
