I puked a lego.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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