I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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