bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
