Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
