I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I cockslap morals
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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