We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
should my penis look like a turkey
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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