If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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