my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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