I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
