dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
