Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
