does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
