Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We had sex on a dog bed..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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