Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
