I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
