I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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