Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
