none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
