thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
