she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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