and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
