he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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