I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
