i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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