Nicole vs. Life
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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