It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
