I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
