you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
