hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
