Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
