Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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