after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
