your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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