i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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