I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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