he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
