Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
